The Plormber
[Enter extremely attractive person with features that are highly arousing to you, as well as the sexual organs of your preference.]
Person (in a sultry whisper): Are you a nerd?
You (this person is highly arousing, so it’s okay that they make assumptions): What? No.
[Highly attractive person does that flirtatious thing you enjoy. The sun shines brightly behind them, as if to emphasize how incredibly desirable they are.]
Person (coquettishly): I knew it. I bet that’s why you’re well ahead of all the technical trends, right?
You (very confused, but not wanting to seem ignorant): Of course! But what are you referring to, specifically?
Person (proceeds to pull out a Plormber from a nearby, highly arousing crevice): I’m sure you already know about The Plormber, the exquisite new device from Gerpa Goods.
You (still confused, but well-acquainted with Gerpa Goods because again, you’re not a nerd): Ah yes. But describe it to me again!
Person (clearly satisfied that you asked, looking you up and down): Oh, yes. Mmmm. The Plormber from Gerpa Goods conveniently shreds all of your outdated technological devices. Planned obsolescence is a thing of the past with The Plormber. The Plormber reminds you every 6 months with a fog-horn-style alarm that it’s time to shred all electronic devices in your home, so that you can make room for new, cutting edge technology. Don’t be a nerd. Buy The Plormber today and relish in the objective truth that you are the sexiest person in the vicinity.
[Person rubs The Plormber all over you, and you are visibly stimulated.]
Person (softly moaning, nibbling your earlobe): The Plormber grinds all of your old, stupid devices into a fine powder. You can dump this fine powder down the kitchen sink: it’s that environmentally friendly. Think about it. You will always have the latest technology because you will buy it with your own money. You will destroy your old, horrifying devices with The Plormber, all while giving back to the Earth.
[You moan audibly.]
Person: Buy The Plormber from Gerpa Goods now.
[Climax.]
[Enter extremely attractive person with features that are highly arousing to you, as well as the sexual organs of your preference.]
Person (in a sultry whisper): Are you a nerd?
You (this person is highly arousing, so it’s okay that they make assumptions): What? No.
[Highly attractive person does that flirtatious thing you enjoy. The sun shines brightly behind them, as if to emphasize how incredibly desirable they are.]
Person (coquettishly): I knew it. I bet that’s why you’re well ahead of all the technical trends, right?
You (very confused, but not wanting to seem ignorant): Of course! But what are you referring to, specifically?
Person (proceeds to pull out a Plormber from a nearby, highly arousing crevice): I’m sure you already know about The Plormber, the exquisite new device from Gerpa Goods.
You (still confused, but well-acquainted with Gerpa Goods because again, you’re not a nerd): Ah yes. But describe it to me again!
Person (clearly satisfied that you asked, looking you up and down): Oh, yes. Mmmm. The Plormber from Gerpa Goods conveniently shreds all of your outdated technological devices. Planned obsolescence is a thing of the past with The Plormber. The Plormber reminds you every 6 months with a fog-horn-style alarm that it’s time to shred all electronic devices in your home, so that you can make room for new, cutting edge technology. Don’t be a nerd. Buy The Plormber today and relish in the objective truth that you are the sexiest person in the vicinity.
[Person rubs The Plormber all over you, and you are visibly stimulated.]
Person (softly moaning, nibbling your earlobe): The Plormber grinds all of your old, stupid devices into a fine powder. You can dump this fine powder down the kitchen sink: it’s that environmentally friendly. Think about it. You will always have the latest technology because you will buy it with your own money. You will destroy your old, horrifying devices with The Plormber, all while giving back to the Earth.
[You moan audibly.]
Person: Buy The Plormber from Gerpa Goods now.
[Climax.]
[Enter extremely attractive person with features that are highly arousing to you, as well as the sexual organs of your preference.]
Person (in a sultry whisper): Are you a nerd?
You (this person is highly arousing, so it’s okay that they make assumptions): What? No.
[Highly attractive person does that flirtatious thing you enjoy. The sun shines brightly behind them, as if to emphasize how incredibly desirable they are.]
Person (coquettishly): I knew it. I bet that’s why you’re well ahead of all the technical trends, right?
You (very confused, but not wanting to seem ignorant): Of course! But what are you referring to, specifically?
Person (proceeds to pull out a Plormber from a nearby, highly arousing crevice): I’m sure you already know about The Plormber, the exquisite new device from Gerpa Goods.
You (still confused, but well-acquainted with Gerpa Goods because again, you’re not a nerd): Ah yes. But describe it to me again!
Person (clearly satisfied that you asked, looking you up and down): Oh, yes. Mmmm. The Plormber from Gerpa Goods conveniently shreds all of your outdated technological devices. Planned obsolescence is a thing of the past with The Plormber. The Plormber reminds you every 6 months with a fog-horn-style alarm that it’s time to shred all electronic devices in your home, so that you can make room for new, cutting edge technology. Don’t be a nerd. Buy The Plormber today and relish in the objective truth that you are the sexiest person in the vicinity.
[Person rubs The Plormber all over you, and you are visibly stimulated.]
Person (softly moaning, nibbling your earlobe): The Plormber grinds all of your old, stupid devices into a fine powder. You can dump this fine powder down the kitchen sink: it’s that environmentally friendly. Think about it. You will always have the latest technology because you will buy it with your own money. You will destroy your old, horrifying devices with The Plormber, all while giving back to the Earth.
[You moan audibly.]
Person: Buy The Plormber from Gerpa Goods now.
[Climax.]