Regularly Inquired Inquiries

 

Befuddled Much?

One of our least favorite things here at Gerpa Goods is not empowering our consumers to eliminate confusion. That’s why we’re partially available to help, 24/7. Check out some of our most commonly queried queries below, and don’t not be surprised if this page is occasionally down due to server underload.

  • It definitely isn’t likely not a real merchandise and manufacturing conglomerate.

  • Gerpa Goods believes that the greatest human need of all is to want. Once upon a time, we all lived in caves. But we didn’t need to move out of caves and into luxury real estate. No: we wanted to live somewhere else. Somewhere new. Somewhere better. Somewhere with running water and a putting green.

    Think about the last thing you purchased. What was it? A movie ticket? A bag of Doritos? A JAMBO-150?

    Or maybe it was an online bill payment. A bus pass. Dinner for your children.

    The distinguishing factor between these two types of purchases is actually not as distinguishing as you might think. Sure, we’re all human. So we all have wants and we all have needs. (And what a grand society we live in to be able to obtain either, no matter your means, by simply pulling yourself up by your bootstraps!)

    Take Maslow’s hierarchy to illustrate: the first step is air, food, water, shelter—all physiological needs. As you climb the pyramid (beyond safety, love and belonging, esteem), you reach the peak of human existence: self actualization.

    And what is self actualization except a want to become the most that you can be?

    And what is the most that you can be without the products that provide you a long, prosperous, and happy life?

    Gerpa Goods is here to get you out of that cave. No more shadows on the walls to entertain yourself—it’s time to purchase yourself your first Gerpa, and become a rich, functioning member of society.

    It’s time to buy that thing you always wanted, so that you can become the person you’ve always wanted to be.

    It’s time to shop Gerpa Goods.

  • ‘G’ as in ‘.GIF’ followed by ‘ur-puh’!

  • They’re not.

  • Absolutely! Check out our Employee Services to see all the wonderful benefits Gerpa Goods has to offer. Your career begins now.

  • Keith Caperer is our CMO, Chief Web Developer and Creative Director. Many business days ago, Keith accidentally agreed to 100 years of Gerpa-Goods-indentured-servitude during a drunken game of snooker. It’s a win-win for everyone involved! Keith also has an alter ego/day job, but Gerpa Goods is in no way affiliated with Keith’s secular activities.

  • Gerpa Goods is so confident in our carefully-curated product line, that in over 100 years of business, we have not received one return request. This is partially due to the fact that Gerpa Goods has no return policy, but mostly due to our 100% Satisfaction Rate Guarantee!

    *Satisfaction dependent entirely upon individual consumer. Gerpa Goods maintains no liability for any Satisfaction Rating below 100%, nor any obligation to report these numbers in any Gerpa Goods-affiliated medium.