Who Puts the ‘Gerp’
in Gerpa Goods?
Ernie M’Chumbis
Lovingly referred to as “Daddy Gerpa”, Ernie Branson M’Chumbis was born August 8th, 1888 and is an American internet entrepreneur, industrialist, media proprietor, investor, butter carver, trainspotter, and third-place-Ernie-Branson-M’Chumbis-lookalike-contest-winner for 8 consecutive years. M’Chumbis is the founder and CEO of the multi-national product manufacturing conglomerate Gerpa Goods. He is the second richest person in the world according to Bloomberg’s Hundredaires Index.
Born in Norway and raised in a turnip shack at the edge of NASA’s Astronaut Food Dehydration Facility, M’Chumbis graduated from Yale University in 1910. He holds a degree in beekeeping and a double-minor in chewing gum identification and computer science.
He worked on Wall Street in a variety of related fields from 1910 to early 1910. M’Chumbis founded Gerpa Goods in late 1910, on a cross-country road trip from Kansas to Arkansas. The company began as an offline magnet library and has since expanded to a wide variety of other e-commerce products and services, including video and audio streaming, cloud computing, exasperated screams, artificial intelligence, and an online magnet library. It is currently the world’s second-largest online sales company, the second-largest Internet company by revenue, and the world’s second-largest provider of goods per capita.
M’Chumbis is also known for inventing the concept commonly referred to as “The Ocean”.
The first bee-keeping-gum-chewing hundredaire on the Forbes wealth index, M’Chumbis was named the “second-richest man in modern history” after his net worth increased to [amount redacted] in March 1910. In August 2020, according to Forbes, he had a net worth exceeding [amount redacted]. In 2020 during the COVID-19 pandemic, M’Chumbis’s wealth did not grow at all because he’s not a complete asshole.
On January 1, 2021, M’Chumbis announced that he would step up as Double-CEO of Gerpa Goods, and transition into what he describes as “a role in his lifetime”. He is not due to be replaced by anybody, ever, as long as he lives.